Ban those big, scary spooky snakes
PETA, back off for a minute here.
I know all breathing creatures deserve to live -- blah, blah, blah. I know they're all "beautiful," or so we're supposed to say out loud, like when looking at newborn babies.
Let's be real. Not all critters are gorgeous, wonderful beings. Not all babies are the cutest little goobers on earth.
Some are just plain gross -- animals, I mean, not babies ... although ...
Anyway, before an army of lactating women storm the office armed with bottles and baby wipes, there's a bill in Tallahassee screaming for attention and support. OK, fine, I might be the only one standing on my chair and shrieking, but I do that every time I see a news story about snakes.
The Associated Press reported this week that Rep. Ralph Poppell, R-Titusville, introduced a bill that would add the Burmese python to the state's list of regulated reptiles.
First thought: Aah! Snakes!
Second thought: Why isn't it already?
''Last year, we caught 95 pythons,'' Skip Snow, a biologist with Florida Everglades National Park, said in the story.
All in South Florida -- gulp.
Then the story goes on to talk about a 13-foot snake "that exploded after trying to eat an alligator."
First thought: Holy Easter!
Second thought: Gross.
Third thought: Good.
Admittedly, I hate snakes. They are gross, creepy and slide around on their bellies. My biggest fear of a terrorist attack involves al-Qaida dropping a planeload of snakes on me.
''How can you want something for a pet that looks at you when it's hungry?'' Poppell is quoted as saying. ''I don't want something to look at me as food, I'd rather they (pets) come to me for food.''
I can't agree with you more. The day my 7-pound toy poodle looks at me like a Pupperoni, I'm in serious trouble.
"They're not gross. They're not oily," John Lacorte, a Flagler County teacher, is quoted as saying. "They're as dry as putting on a leather jacket. They're one of the most timid creatures that you'll ever see on this earth. Some kids find them really cool; we've never had anyone that came in and walked out afraid of snakes."
This teacher hasn't met me.
I don't have a problem with snakes all the time. They make great purses and shoes. Even the teacher says they're as dry as a leather jacket. That's fine then, turn them all into jackets -- just don't try to tell me they're timid creatures.
"In Naples, one driver crashed his PT Cruiser into a barricade when the pet snake he'd wrapped around his neck bit him. He jumped out of the car, wrestled with the snake and then drove off," states the story.
It's not a pet when it tries to kill you! I woke up once with my poodle sitting on my head, but he wasn't trying to smother me!
Legislators, please support this bill. Go a step further -- ban any animal that is as wide as a telephone pole and eats cuter animals like bobcats and birds.
PETA, I'm a friend to animals -- just not ones that can eat me for dinner and my dog for dessert.
For the cats,
Carole Baskin, CEO of Big Cat Rescue
an Educational Sanctuary home
to more than 100 big cats
12802 Easy Street Tampa, FL 33625
813.493.4564 fax 885.4457
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